General Zod

While the last election disaster was still fresh in everyone's mind, I remember hearing some pundit or other saying that in the 2008 race, there'd be three main candidates: a republican, a democrat, and an Internet caandidate of some sort. Today I discovered that Christopher Walken is running for president. Why not? He plays a good obsessed lunatic. But the Surrealism award for the day has got to go to General Zod.

Doesn't he just look like the Boy Next Door, Who Went On To Do Good?
Here is the opening statement from the campaign website:

"Vote for your ruler

When I first came to your planet and demanded your homes, property and very lives, I didn't know you were already doing so, willingly, with your own government. I can win no tribute from a bankrupted nation populated by feeble flag-waving plebians. In 2008 I shall restore your dignity and make you servants worthy of my rule. This new government shall become a tool of my oppression. Instead of hidden agendas and waffling policies, I offer you direct candor and brutal certainty. I only ask for your tribute, your lives, and your vote.

-- General Zod
Your Future President and Eternal Ruler

Well that about says it, doesn't it? Reminds me of the campy pseudo-totalitarianism of the Schwa Corporation a few years ago.

more from the website:

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Zod kicks off campaign in Philly PHILADELPHIA (Reuters) -- General Zod launched his 2008 Presidential bid yesterday, greeted by a crowd of over 25,000. "I am General Zod!" he bellowed, surveying the masses. "Listen to me, people of the Earth! Today I bring a new order to your planet! Your lands, your homes, your possessions, your very lives -- all of this and more you will gladly give to me! In return, I promise you lower taxes and cheap gas prices!" The promise was met by wild cheers and a fanfare of balloons and confetti. He continued: "It is as useless for you to deny me your vote as it is for me to annihilate you. You will only bring death and destruction upon yourselves, while I lose the potential products of your labor. In return for your vote, you will have my generous protection! In other words - you will be allowed to live. "Hear me now! There is now one law, one order, one ruler who alone will determine your collective destiny! Kneel before me! From this day forward - there is only Zod!" The reception among the crowd was enthusiastic. Said Doris Eddins, 53, of Trenton, "That's my President right there. I hear he's gonna put a lien on my house, but he's promising tax refunds. You hear that? The President's gonna send me a check!" Zod is expected to make stops in Cincinnati and Indianapolis tomorrow.

[story ends]

Could Zod be the One? Could this be the simple strength that unites the left and the right, the red states and the blue? Security fetishists will love his get-tough policies, and Liberals will go all woogy for his 'totally butch dominator thing.' Fiscal Conservatives will love the simple expedient of all citizens' property becoming assets of the Zog hedge-fund which gives an iron-clad guarrantee of 300% returns in the first five years. What's to love about replacing the nation's economy with a pyramid scheme? Very simply,

"Zero Wealth = Zero Taxes!!!


That's Right! Simply sign it all over to Zog, and then
YOU PAY NOTHING!
Finally, the dreams of both the right and the left could be realized: Conservatives could drown the social service agencies in that proverbial bathtub they are so fond of, and Leftists would awake to discover that everyone was finally equal.


Hail ZOG!